10/10/24

7:00 am

    I was dreaming of my elementary school before my alarm quietly woke me. Blinking my self awake and lying there not wanting to get up, I could still picture the lingering sensation of my haze. It was summertime. Late afternoon sun came through the window and cast itself onto the floor. Dust slowly shifted in the streams of light and loud cicadas droned on over the whole scene. I could hear faint laughter though no one was there. I walked down the same hall—again and again. I felt warm. 

    56° outside. The heater in our building had kicked on.

    On the train, I closed my eyes and sank back into my dream, trying to trace the memory of my school. I thought of the decorations in each classroom, how they would change with the seasons. October with motifs of jack-o'-lanterns and autumn leaves can be recalled so vividly. I thought of cutesy paper boarders lining the bulletin boards in class and field trips to the orchard to walk through corn mazes and take home miniature-sized pumpkins. I felt that this was something dearly missed in adult life—no festivity in your day to day. That may just be the nature of things as you get older. When H and I were grocery shopping the other day I joked about how even the squeezable yogurt at the grocery store lacked any childlike wonder despite originating as a children’s snack.

    Today, the air had finally cooled enough to wear a heavy sweater. It’s funny how when fall comes around it feels as if I have never been cold. When I shudder from the frigidness, I’m feeling it for the first time. Summer seems to be eternally long and I’m waiting for the moment I can be cold again. Then of course winter comes around and I feel as though I'll never be warm again. I felt sad, the fall and winter of my childhood were gone. I suddenly missed being so cold during Halloween night that I’d have to ruin my costume with a large winter coat.

8:00 pm

    H and I met outside JG after I stopped by an ATM nearby. No better night than tonight to have a cup of chili and a grilled cheese at a crowded bar. Over my one shitty non-alcoholic beer and H’s third martini we made up lives for the strangers sat around us.

Waiting for a taxi home, I shivered.

Playlist

Tokyo Flash - Vaundy

Kagefumi - Hyakkei

Oblivious - Galaxy 500

Cause I’m A Man - Tame Impala

Jet - POLKADOT STINGRAY

Lazy Afternoons - Yoko Shimomura


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